{"id":10106,"date":"2025-11-24T18:23:52","date_gmt":"2025-11-24T18:23:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fdfamilylaw.com\/?p=10106"},"modified":"2026-05-04T18:01:31","modified_gmt":"2026-05-04T18:01:31","slug":"divorce-separation-holidaze","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fdfamilylaw.com\/divorce-separation-holidaze\/","title":{"rendered":"Divorce, Separation & Holidaze…"},"content":{"rendered":"

Is this your first year heading into the holidays post separation?\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Whether you have been separated for months or just a couple of weeks, this time of year is always hard on those who are going through a separation\/divorce.<\/span>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s talk about the elephant in your well-appointed and holiday decorated living room first\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Now is the biggest coupley\/family driven time of the year\u2026and you just walked out of your coupley\/family situation or had your world upended by being walked out upon.\u00a0 Not really feeling the coupley\/family vibe? This is completely understandable and normal.<\/span><\/p>\n

Before I launch headlong into a whole bunch of easy tips, let\u2019s just take a moment to observe the following\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Your first holiday season post separation\/divorce is going to be hard. Period. It doesn\u2019t matter if you have a new family, significant other, have your kids, don\u2019t have your kids, taking a trip, not taking a trip. Emotionally it is going to be hard\u2026for everyone.<\/span><\/p>\n

I say, embrace the hard. It is going to be a hard time for someone in your family. You. Your Ex, Your kids. Your parents. Your ex\u2019s parents. Someone is going to have a hard time with the holiday happiness and the lack of family unity this year. Likely all of you\u2026at the same time.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

If it is you that is having a hard time. I suggest that you take a step back and assess what it is you\u2019re grieving. And it is grief\u2026even if you are the one that left. You still get to grieve even if you are the one that cheated, that left, that messed it up. Grief doesn\u2019t only settle on the righteous. Grief comes for all of us, regardless of whether we are guilty or saintly. So, I suggest try to figure out what it is you are grieving: the physical comfort, the break in tradition, the loss of unity, the companionship that is usually still present in even some of the most dysfunctional unions. Make a list. What exactly are you having a hard time with?<\/span><\/p>\n

Once you have your list, organize it into things you can control and things you can\u2019t. Here is a quick pointer\u2026if it has anything to do with another person, place or thing, that falls into the category of items you can\u2019t control. Once you have all the things you are finding hard and grieving down into the two columns, try this:<\/span><\/p>\n

For the list that is out of your control, give it to the Universe, God or whatever you believe to be good and holy. You don\u2019t have to be spiritual or religious to do this. If you believe in nothing supreme, then just plain hand it over to anyone but you. I also suggest writing each unmanageable item down on a piece of paper and placing them somewhere symbolic, perhaps a box especially designated: a cigar box, jewelry box, anything where you can keep them together and away from prying eyes. Write the date down next to each item you are putting in the box. Run out of space? Get a bigger box! (More on the box later…).<\/span><\/p>\n

Now for the harder side of your list, the things you can change\u2026<\/span><\/p>\n

Your life and security have just been addressed. In real time and in a real way. The family system that you dedicated yourself to has just imploded (to varying degrees) and you are reeling, numb, angry, confused, sad, lonely, scared, tired and generally uncomfortable. Whatever it is you feel, admit it. Don\u2019t deny it. Try to get to know how you are feeling well. Do you feel it in your body or is it more ephemeral than that?\u00a0 Are you not sleeping or sleeping all the time?\u00a0 Don\u2019t be afraid of the \u201cnegative\u201d emotions, they are here to teach you something, yes, perhaps something you didn\u2019t want to know, but something, nonetheless.<\/span><\/p>\n

For the things you can change, pick one thing that you can change right now. Your attitude is a good place to start. Your life is not over, just the way you were living it. This separation\/divorce is happening for you AND to you. It was ok before and it will be ok again. The best and most kind thing you can do for yourself right now is to take a breath, pat yourself on the back and give yourself a break. Stop the negative self-talk, the constant and relentless nagging fear that dogs your every step. Just work on being positive about something good in your life for five minutes. Start there.<\/span><\/p>\n

Perhaps you are one of those go-getter types and there is something way more tangible you can do on your side of the divorce street\u2026pick one\u2026ONLY ONE! And begin there. Perhaps you can call an attorney, or pack up a box, or open a new checking account, call a coach\u2026just one thing!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Then stop. Yes, stop. Put away all thoughts of divorce and family disruption. Go snuggle on the couch with your dog\/kid\/coziest blanket\/new love interest\/self. Leave the list behind until tomorrow\u2026do something self-affirming and kind to the most amazing part of your failed union…YOU! You may be losing a marriage but you are gaining more time with the most important relationship you will ever have\u2026the one with yourself. Yay you!<\/span><\/p>\n

Erin Schaden is a writer, divorce coach, divorce attorney and mediator.\u00a0 She is the Chief Operating Officer of Fait & DiLima a boutique family law firm based in Rockville, Maryland and serving the surrounding areas.\u00a0 If you would like to book a consult with Erin or another member of the firm, please reach out to <\/span>eschaden@fdfamilylaw.com<\/span><\/a>.\u00a0 Everyone at Fait & DiLima is here to help you get through to the other side where your new life begins.<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Is this your first year heading into the holidays post separation?\u00a0 Whether you have been separated for months or just a couple of weeks, this time of year is always hard on those who are going through a separation\/divorce. Let\u2019s talk about the elephant in your well-appointed and holiday decorated living room first\u2026 Now is […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":18,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10106","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-firm-news"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nDivorce, Separation & Holidaze... - Fait & DiLima Family Law<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Divorce during the holidays brings stress and emotion. 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