Often times, couples who are divorcing are focused on the task at hand.\u00a0 However, the divorce process takes a long time, and being divorced will last much longer.\u00a0 It is a good idea for couples who share children or even have friends in common to decide on how they want to set boundaries during and after the divorce.\u00a0 Setting new boundaries can help divorcing couples transition from \u201cex spouse\u201d to \u201cdivorced person.\u201d\u00a0 An ex spouse is still subject to the dynamics that dictated the marriage.\u00a0 A divorced person, on the other hand, has a new and different relationship with the ex.\u00a0 It takes some time to define and navigate this new relationship, however, most people find setting boundaries after divorce is an investment that is worth it.<\/p>\n
\u201cPhysical boundaries\u201d can mean many different things to different couples.\u00a0 Some couples, for example, may set their physical boundaries as agreeing never to be in the same room at the same time.\u00a0 This can make co-parenting tricky.\u00a0 However, for some families, it really is a better approach.\u00a0 Other families may set the boundary at not entering each others\u2019 homes during kid exchanges.\u00a0 Still other families are fine with hosting their child\u2019s other parent inside their home, but only after they knock and are invited to enter by the home occupant.\u00a0 As the guest in the home, the divorced person should take the requisite steps to act like a guest.\u00a0 Guests don\u2019t rummage through the refrigerator.\u00a0 They don\u2019t help themselves to cookies on the counter.\u00a0 Guests refrain from looking through the mail.\u00a0 Respecting each other\u2019s new spaces is part of the separation process.<\/p>\n
Another perspective on physical boundaries has to do with where the parents live.\u00a0 While not considered \u201cstandard\u201d in divorce decrees for couples with children, some couples agree to set a physical boundary regarding where parents both will live.\u00a0 For example, parents may agree to remain living within 7 miles of each other until the children reach the age of majority.<\/p>\n
Personal boundaries are essential in any relationship.\u00a0 In the case of couples who are divorcing, setting personal boundaries is somewhat more challenging, as the couple transitions to single people sometimes, but not always, sharing children. \u00a0Personal boundaries may change over the years, as the parties become more secure in their new status, and children become young adults.\u00a0 Personal boundaries could include agreeing not to introduce the children to a new special someone until the parties have been in a relationship for at least a year, or until the children are over the age of ten, for example.\u00a0 The parties may agree not to have overnight guests when they have custody of the children.<\/p>\n
Personal boundaries may also include agreeing the new spouse will not attend school conferences or join the same church choir as the ex spouse.\u00a0 Of course, setting personal boundaries can go both ways.\u00a0 For some families, including the new spouse as a bonus parent may make more sense.\u00a0 Often, these decisions depend on the history of the couple and the length of time since the decision to divorce.<\/p>\n
For couples without children, each person may choose to go on with their lives without ever speaking to each other again.\u00a0 Couples with children, however, will be tied forever.\u00a0 From school plays to college graduation to the birth of grandchildren, these couples especially should consider their boundaries.\u00a0 When speaking with each other about the children, keep the focus on the children.\u00a0 No need to dish about your favorite sports team, or your latest office crush (unless this somehow impacts the children or parenting time).\u00a0 Keeping the communication about the things you share in common sets a clear boundary and redefines your relationship.<\/p>\n
Especially in the early weeks and months, couples may find themselves slipping into old communication patterns.\u00a0 When things feel like they may be coming off the rails, consider how you would respond if the person you were talking to wasn\u2019t your ex.\u00a0 Would you manufacture an excuse to get off the phone?\u00a0 Ask them to stop yelling?\u00a0 Respond with a nasty dig of your own?\u00a0 Make the conscious decision to respond to them the same way you would to a coworker or friend.<\/p>\n
While it may be tempting and appear easier at the moment, don\u2019t use your children to send messages back and forth.\u00a0 You wouldn\u2019t trust an eight year old to tell your coworker you needed to reschedule a work meeting, would you?\u00a0 As the adult, take advantage of cell phones, text messaging, and email to communicate grown up issues with your child\u2019s other important grown up.<\/p>\n
Your finances are your business.\u00a0 Period.\u00a0 This is true even if some of your financial situation is directly attributable to child support or alimony you receive from your child\u2019s other parent.\u00a0 It is also true if your financial situation is directly impacted by child support or alimony obligations.\u00a0 It is none of their business how much money you have.\u00a0 Nor is what you spend your money on their business.\u00a0 Further, it is not their business, how you prioritize savings, or any other aspect of your financial future.\u00a0 Child support and alimony are provided for by law.\u00a0 Neither receiving nor paying child support or alimony gives a person the right to know the intimate details of another\u2019s finances.<\/p>\n
If you think divorce might be in your future, contact the attorneys at\u00a0Fait & DiLima<\/a>.\u00a0 Our attorneys focus exclusively on family law issues.\u00a0 We advocate tirelessly on behalf of our clients, working toward solutions that will work best for each family unit.\u00a0 Every family is different.\u00a0 Let our dedicated family law attorneys put our experience to work for you and your family.\u00a0 Call\u00a0(301) 251-0100<\/a>\u00a0today.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Often times, couples who are divorcing are focused on the task at hand.\u00a0 However, the divorce process takes a long time, and being divorced will last much longer.\u00a0 It is a good idea for couples who share children or even have friends in common to decide on how they want to set boundaries during and […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":5006,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[36],"class_list":["post-1823","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog","tag-divorce"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n