In the early days, ongoing relationships between your children and extended family after divorce is rarely high on the priority list.\u00a0 However, with the holidays coming, considering extended family and ongoing relations is at hand.<\/p>\n
When couples divorce, reassuring the children about ongoing relationships with those they love is paramount.\u00a0 As a starting point, discussing the division of parenting time provides the children with assurances they will continue enjoying the love and presence of both parents.\u00a0 It may take several weeks of sharing parenting time for the children to adjust to the new schedule.\u00a0 Once the new schedule becomes routine, it is time to move on to navigating relationships with extended family after divorce.<\/p>\n
Continuing relationships with extended family after divorce provides continuity.\u00a0 This offers added stability for children as they adjust to their new normal.\u00a0 However, establishing contact between the children and extended family after divorce may require new rules.\u00a0 Below are some suggestions for how to establish and maintain contact between the children and extended family after divorce.<\/p>\n
While some people think each parent should be responsible for extended family contacts on their own side of the family, in many families, this approach does not work to the child\u2019s advantage. In almost every relationship, one spouse has taken on the role of social coordinator more than the other.\u00a0 Do not assume each parent is equally willing and able to maintain ongoing relationships with extended family.\u00a0 Rather, discuss this with your child\u2019s other parent.\u00a0 There are many approaches to including extended family.\u00a0 It may take some time to figure out what works best for your family.\u00a0 In fact, the approach that works best today may change over time.\u00a0 There is no \u201cright way\u201d to nurture relationships with extended family after divorce.\u00a0 However, not nurturing these relationships could deprive your children of a valuable support system.<\/p>\n
When your child has a sporting event, a band concert, a dance recital, take the time to extend invitations to extended family \u2013 on both sides.\u00a0 Consider establishing an email group or two.\u00a0 In some families, the extended family on both sides may be included in a single email.\u00a0 In others, email groups for both sides separately may be the order of the day.\u00a0 Regardless of your method of communication, don\u2019t hesitate to communicate special events with family on both sides.<\/p>\n
When your ex\u2019s extended family joins a celebration, take time recognizing their presence.\u00a0 Let them know you appreciate their presence in your child\u2019s life.<\/p>\n
Without a doubt, your child\u2019s extended family will plan events without consulting your parenting time schedule.\u00a0 There will be times when your ex\u2019s family hosts a reunion, special dinner, or significant event during a day you have parenting time.\u00a0 Of course, the reverse is also true.\u00a0 There will be days your family celebrates a significant event when your ex has the children.\u00a0 Establishing early on a willingness to be flexible provides the children with the comfort and security of knowing your commitment to their ongoing relationship with their extended family.<\/p>\n
Many times, friend and family project their own perceptions of divorce onto others when they divorce.\u00a0 It is up to you and your spouse to set the tone for your families.\u00a0 Let them know your expectations of ongoing love and support for your children.\u00a0 Nothing good comes of extended family making snarky, nasty, or negative comments about your children\u2019s parents.\u00a0 Make sure your family understands the importance of an ongoing loving and supportive environment as your children grow.<\/p>\n
As the holiday season approaches, take a moment or two to consider how you might handle the holidays.\u00a0 If the holidays include, for example, a custody switch on Christmas Eve at grandma\u2019s house, consider inviting the ex in for a glass of wine, or a short stay to chat with family.\u00a0 This sends a message to the children that they may continue to enjoy extended family with the other parent\u2019s blessing. \u00a0It also sends a message to extended family about the importance you place on creating a safe and comfortable environment for your children.<\/p>\n
If your family exchanges gifts with extended family, let them know your child\u2019s interests or specific gift desires.\u00a0 Take care not to duplicate this list for both sides of the family.\u00a0 Make an effort to ensure your child spends time with both sides of the family during the holiday season.\u00a0 Celebrating the holiday with extended family, not celebrating\u00a0on\u00a0a given holiday, is what is important to your children.<\/p>\n
Dealing with extended family during and after divorce can feel uncomfortable at first.\u00a0 With practice, and a commitment to the best interests of the children, most couples come to a level of comfort dealing with extended family after divorce.<\/p>\n