Getting a divorce is hard any time of year.\u00a0 The holidays, no bueno. Summer, not great either. There is no good time in life to have children, and there is no good time to get a divorce.\u00a0 But the aftermath of \u201cDivorce Month\u201d (which is now January\u2019s dubious honor) is that you are likely going to be getting a divorce in February if you were one of the unlucky (or lucky – really depends on your perspective…) people who were causalities of a separating January.<\/p>\n
So, what are some things you should know to prepare for this upcoming love-fest while you are mired in your not so fun and likely contentious divorce-fest?<\/p>\n
If you are not looking forward to the upcoming holiday this year, it is totally ok to hide out.\u00a0 Stay away from Target and all other stores that oversell this Hallmark holiday.\u00a0 Stay off social media that week.\u00a0 And just opt out of it this year.\u00a0 It is ok, likely this is just an off year, and if you previously loved this holiday, chances are you might come to love it again…just not this year.<\/p>\n
Having everyone else on the planet running around celebrating love, commitment, hot sex and romance is hard for some of us even when our marital relationships are going well, when they are circling the proverbial drain, not so much.\u00a0 It is ok to be sad and to allow this holiday to bring up all the feelings you likely need to process about the breakup and demise of your best attempt at \u201chappily ever after\u201d.\u00a0 You can use this holiday to help you cry, wail, moan, bitch, weep or yell through this most insulting (most especially this year) holiday.<\/p>\n
I once planned a Valentine\u2019s dinner for 20.\u00a0 All my single girlfriends and I got dressed up, bought our own candy and took ourselves out to a romantic hotspot and took center stage away from all the loving and lovely couples.\u00a0 While it was hard to get a reservation, with a little persistence, you shall overcome the intimate dining preferences for two.<\/p>\n
You can love your kids this Valentine\u2019s Day.\u00a0 You can love your friends.\u00a0 You can love yourself.\u00a0 There is no limit to the number of people and their role in your life to love this year.\u00a0 If you are getting a divorce, chances are you are really not feeling it this year.\u00a0 But you can co-opt the holiday and use it for your own purposes.\u00a0 Love whomever you are blessed enough to have in your life this year…as well as, perhaps, love the fact that while this whole ordeal is likely overwhelming and awful, this time next year you will likely be done and moving on to a better everything.\u00a0 So, love your heart out this year if you can, and if you can\u2019t that is totally ok too.<\/p>\n
All of the above professionals know that Valentine\u2019s Day is a day that all divorcing people dread.\u00a0 Call anyone of the above if you want some empathy, sympathy or just an affirmation that this whole divorce process will end and you will have a life afterwards (hopefully better than the one that just imploded).\u00a0 It is ok to ask for extra support during this particular month. You don\u2019t have to brave it on your own or shut it all down.\u00a0 Asking for help is the best way to move yourself to the next level.\u00a0 And sometimes, you will hear that no matter how hard your current situation is, it could be worse and it will get better.<\/p>\n
There is no way that you can avoid completely the fact that all the happy couples (although I would argue that many of the people you think are happy, are in fact circling the drain of their marriages, it just hasn\u2019t completely come to a screeching halt just yet) are out their loving it up on this day.\u00a0 And you are going to have some feelings about this.\u00a0 Use this hard time to go within and seek out your part in the whole debacle.\u00a0 Own your stuff.\u00a0 See what you can do about your contribution to your marital or relational demise.\u00a0 Then set some goals for yourself. The work you do now will pay handsome dividends later in your next relationship. And if you do the work on you, you can and will avoid picking the same person again.\u00a0 Divorce is hard, so why not embrace the hard.\u00a0 You can do hard things.\u00a0 You got married, likely had some kids and now the whole shebang is coming undone in front of you.\u00a0 And yet, here you are showing up to work, taking time to read this blog, parenting, adulting and surviving.\u00a0 You are doing the hard stuff.\u00a0 Take a moment to acknowledge that and thank whatever you believe in for moving you to whatever awaits you next.<\/p>\n
There is no easy way to navigate the upcoming \u201choliday\u201d.\u00a0 I myself, a long time single person, buy myself really good chocolate, beautiful flowers and spend time with people I love.\u00a0 I also give my best girlfriends a little treat and my kids too.\u00a0 Because the fact that I am divorced and unpartnered doesn\u2019t mean that I am unloved, unloving or unlovable.\u00a0 It is just that this year, on this made up holiday that celebrates a version of love that most of us never achieve, we happen to be doing it solo.\u00a0 And for me, being solo on Valentine\u2019s Day is so much better than being with someone who doesn\u2019t get me, leaves me hanging or just craving something more.\u00a0 My happiness is my responsibility, always. Even on Valentine\u2019s Day.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Getting a divorce is hard any time of year.\u00a0 The holidays, no bueno. Summer, not great either. There is no good time in life to have children, and there is no good time to get a divorce.\u00a0 But the aftermath of \u201cDivorce Month\u201d (which is now January\u2019s dubious honor) is that you are likely going […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":16,"featured_media":5006,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-8780","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-blog"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\n